Of Magic Lamps and Poison Apples
by novocaine-x
Summary: What do you get when you throw a bunch of Disney characters into an action filled show like Naruto? Pure and utter chaos. Poor Sakura Haruno is just about to have her life turn upside down in this crack filled story.


**Author's Note: **_Why am I writing a story about messed up Disney characters mixed with Naruto ones_? ....Because my best friends are weird. lol....no seriously...this is what you get when you try to write a children's story for Foriegn Languages class with two extremely girly people...although of course, I changed some things...(snickers) Oh, and _why am I putting this up here_? Because I've been requested to so many times by a certain someone and come on...who am I to deny a request? (smirks)

**Disclaimer:**Oh yeah...I totally own this....that's why I'm ruining a perfectly good show by adding a bunch of girly-princessy-stuff to it... -.-" Erm...yeah...I don't own it, obviously...or else I'd be rich. XP

**Warning:** Pure crack. With a hint of weed and maybe a dash of tobacco. XD And watch out for some OOC-ness!

* * *

_**Of **_**Ma**_**GiC**_** lAmPs **_**AnD p**_**OiSoN **_**aPpLeS**_

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, young girl who lived with her father, her evil stepmother and her awful stepsisters.

Her name…was Haruno Sakura.

Sakura felt very sad and lonely all the time, and spent her days cleaning the house and working hard under her ruthless and merciless stepmother.

During this time, there was a king who ruled over the entire land. Now, you see, this king had a son who had not yet been married. And naturally, as a father, the king wished that the handsome, young prince had a wife who would love him and take care of him.

So, he thought that a ball would be a great way for the young lad to meet some lovely, young woman who might have a chance of being the perfect wife. He ordered the ball to be held the very next day, and commanded that every young maiden be invited to that prestigious event; be they young or slightly older, rich or poor, it didn't matter.

And so it was. News spread like wildfire, and everyone rushed around as they tried to get the perfect dresses, shoes and everything they might need, which included Sakura's family.

* * *

"Sakura, where's my dress?!"

"Sakura, why are you talking so long with the washing?!"

"SAKURA!!!!!!"

…

That night, Sakura walked upstairs to her room tiredly before she flung herself onto her bed and started crying.

Oh, how much she had longed to go to that ball. How she would love to live her life just like any other normal girl would, but alas, it was too late now. Everyone had already left, with high hopes of being the new royal matriarch, while she stayed home all alone.

With a sigh she got up after a while and wiped her eyes. She crossed the nearly empty room as she walked over to the small mirror.

"Oh, I wish I could've been there…" she murmured as she traced her reflection on the broken glass.

She looked down at herself and frowned at the ridiculously ragged clothes she wore and shook her head in disapproval before her eyes widened and she whirled around at the sound of her door opening.

Her gaze swept around the room before it came to rest on a shiny lamp. She frowned in puzzlement, walked over to it, and reached out to pick it up. She swiped her hands over its dusty surface, let out a gasp as the little object started shaking, and dropped it in surprise.

Green eyes enlarged in shock as a blue genie popped out, coughing.

"Whoa, man! Finally! I was getting so totally claustrophobic in that thing! Seriously…why do they make those things so damn small? I'm complaining to the Union. I swear, I could've-" he stopped speaking as he noticed Sakura on the ground, who had fallen back in surprise, and reached down to examine her.

"Well, hello there, princess," he smirked as he held out a hand to help her up. He frowned, however, as she fainted.

He let out a sigh and ran a hand across the back of his neck.

"Why do they always do that?" He muttered.

He opened the window and leaned out as he searched for something.

"Ah…gotcha," he said as he swiped out his arm and reached out to pick up some random, black cat. He placed it on the wooden floor, made some random motion with his hands, and grinned as he saw the cat transform into a handsome, young man.

"What the fuck just happened?" questioned the newcomer, his dark eyes widened as he heard his own voice.

"Yup, you can talk. Now, do me favour boy, and wake her up," ordered the genie as he shook his head vaguely in Sakura's direction.

With a raised an eyebrow, the raven haired youth crossed his arms and looked at the genie incredulously.

"You got me for that? Can't you wake her up yourself?"

"Hmm…nope," he grinned and patted the boy on his head. "You wake her up."

"How am I supposed to wake her up? Isn't she unconscious?" He asked skeptically.

The genie slapped his forehead, sighed in frustration, and asked the lad a question.

"Sasuke, can I call you Sasuke?"

'Sasuke' shrugged and motioned for him to go on.

"Right, Sasuke. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…don't you ever read?" He asked. "Look, when a cute girl faints, the guy goes up to her, kisses her, and she wakes up. Haven't you ever heard of 'fairy tales'?"

"No, and I don't want to," muttered Sasuke as he frowned sourly.

"Awe, come on, man, my buddy…my brotha' from anotha' motha'."

…

"…Don't ever call me that."

"Fine, but come on…please?"

"…Fine."

Sasuke sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and kneeled down in front of the girl. He shot the genie a sharp glare before he leaned down, kissed the girl softly, blinked in surprise as she opened her eyes, and pulled back hesitantly.

"Hey there, gorgeous, looks like you passed out for a moment there. I heard you're having some problems, am I right?" questioned the genie as he grinned down at her.

Sakura stared at him for a moment and took in the fact that there was a blue genie in her room; a genie.  
G-E-N-I-E…

…

…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!?!"

Both males visibly flinched as she yelled.

Sakura noticed movement on her right. She turned slowly and froze as her eyes landed on Sasuke, who frowned as he rubbed his ear.

"Um…don't tell me you're a genie too…"

"No. I'm a cat."

"Oh. That's normal. That is completely normal. Everything happening is utterly ordinary. I'm sure cats can totally become hot guys and that genies can come out of nowhere. Of course it's normal." She blabbered and paused as Sasuke shot her a bemused look.

"I'm going crazy, aren't I?" She sighed, as she tucked a lock of pink hair behind her ear.

"Of course not!" exclaimed the genie, his grin grew wider which earned a frown from her. "Look, let's get down to business. I heard you wanted to go to the ball."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and threw him a confused look.

"A ball is kind of like a party. It's a formal event where people get together, and it often involves dancing. Not THAT you naughty pervert, you," said the genie as he snickered.

Sasuke twitched and glared at the blue man before he hissed angrily, "I wasn't thinking of it that way, you moron."

Sakura watched them argue as the genie retorted teasingly, and sighed, before she loudly cleared her throat, which caught their attention. "Yes?"

"Oh yeah, well, it's my job as your genie to help you with that. I am going to help you go to the ball." He stated seriously before he burst out laughing, and clutched his stomach as tears rolled down his face.

"I said the," he gasped as he continued laughing; a snort escaped him before he continued. "I said the, the _B-WORD_!!"

Sasuke and Sakura watched him in irritation as he rolled around on the floor, and laughed madly. They both twitched mentally.

Sasuke walked over to him slowly and kicked him sharply on the nose, which earned a cry of pain from the blue coloured genie.

"Ow…what was that bor?!" He exclaimed, as he rubbed his injured nose. "Awe, crab, I dink you broke by noze…"

The genie wiped the blood off his 'noze' and proceeded to heal it. He placed a hand on it and his palm became surrounded by a blue light.

Sakura cleared her throat, walked over to him and crossed her arms. She stared at him levelly.

After a few minutes of being under skeptical scrutiny, the genie let out a perplexed, "What?"

"Nothing," muttered the pinkette as she shook her head. "So, are you helping me or what?"

"Well, duh," he replied before he moved back slightly and looked over her carefully. "Let's see…you need clothes, right; hmm…how about this?"

The genie flicked his fingers and looked at her questioningly as he waited for a response. Sakura looked down at herself and gaped in shock at her "clothes".

"What the hell, you pervert?! These aren't even proper clothes! I look like a freaking slut!" She yelled as she grabbed her quilt from the bed and wrapped it around herself.

"Okay, okay, fine… Sheesh… You have no sense of humour." He muttered under his breath and flicked his finger again.

Sakura removed the quilt to look down at herself again. She sighed in relief and nodded appreciatively.

"That's better. What do you think Sasuke?" She asked the red faced boy, and twirled around.

Sasuke looked at her and nodded in approval.

Sakura looked at herself again and smiled at the gown. It was dark red, with silver flowers bordered on the hem, and it tied around her neck elegantly.

"My, my Genie…you have quite the taste in clothes." She said, and smiled at him as he grinned back at her.

"I know I know…I'm awesome. No need to say it." He gloated which earned a laugh from the rosette.

"But wait, whom are you going to go with?" He asked. "There's no one…unless…"

Black eyes locked onto the figure of the raven haired teen that was slouched against the wall, and a mischievous smirk stretched across the genie's face.

"Hey, Sasuke, think fast!" The genie exclaimed a tuxedo was placed on the boy.

Sasuke blinked, looked down at himself, frowned, and snapped his head up to glare at the genie.

"What the hell?"

"Now, now, Sasuke, don't be so mean. Poor Sakura needs someone to go to the ball with, right?" His eyes twinkled merrily, as Sasuke's frown deepened.

…

…

"Um…I can go on my own, you know?" interjected Sakura, her tone sounded worried as the atmosphere darkened.

"No, you can't. And besides, Sasuke should learn to be a proper gentleman." The genie snickered.

Sasuke growled, launched himself forward, aimed a punch at the genie's face, and hit him square on the jaw.

"Hey! Ow! God…what, is it 'Hit the Poor Genie Day' or something?" He mumbled, as he massaged his jaw.

…

"Ah…I see. The silent treatment…well, whatever. You're going whether you want to or not. Now come on!"

* * *

Huge, elegant doors opened up to reveal a splendidly decorated castle, with hundreds of people gathered around, they all chatted and laughed.

Sakura gazed around her in awe, her grip on Sasuke's arm loosened as she took in the atmosphere.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, and turned to flash her partner a radiant smile.

"Come on," she urged while she tugged on his sleeve. "Let's go see the prince." She laughed at his annoyed look and dragged him over to the centre of the great hall.

…

"Yes, I'm pretty sure of that… I've heard spring is a wonderful time to go there," spoke up a young blonde man, as a bunch of women giggled and laughed flirtatiously. "I mean it's quite the- well…who do we have here?" his eyes caught a flash of pink, and he flashed a bright smile.

The prince walked over to the newly arrived pair and reached out to hold Sakura's gloved hand. He placed a kiss on it.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki."

"Sakura Haruno. It's a pleasure it meet you." She smiled.

"Likewise, I'm sure."

He smiled down at her and turned to face her companion.

"Is she yours?" He questioned, his blue eyes twinkled as the dark haired male turned slightly red.

"No." was his gruff answer, before he grabbed Sakura by the arm and proceeded to lead her away. Naruto grinned and let out a low chuckle.

* * *

"What is your problem, Sasuke?"

Sasuke's eyes widened at her outburst and he gave a stern frown.

"That ass was practically devouring you with his eyes." He mumbled stoically which earned a noise of offense from the rosette.

"And what exactly does that have to do with you? You barely know me!" She exclaimed, and poked him harshly on his chest as he winced.

"I don't know!" He yelled back at her, and reached up to grip his hair in frustration. "Look, I have no idea what's happening, alright? Blame that stupid blue coloured freak! He did something!"

"What the hell could he do? He can barely think straight with that messed up brain of his!" She argued.

"Ouch. Don't you think that's a tad bit rude?"

They both whirled around to face the genie, who grinned at them.

Sasuke growled, shot him a menacing glare, crossed his arms, and turned his back on the genie.

"What's up with Mr.-pole-up-his-ass?" He questioned, and raised an inquisitive black eyebrow.

Sakura shrugged and threw the raven haired boy a frown.

"Beats me; he's just being a jerk, again." She huffed.

"…Hn."

"Oh don't blame him! It's just another fairytale thingamabob…here let me check," muttered the blue male as he whipped out a small orange coloured book and flipped through the pages. "Mm-hmm…yeah…yup, I got it."

The genie closed the book and glanced down at the two of them before he grinned brightly.

"I was right! According to Paragraph 7 of Section 2041, line 5, point number 259 of The Genie's Guide to Magical Tales, 'When the male protagonist kisses the maiden in distress, he automatically develops feelings for her' due to some unknown conditions which has long been foretold for centuries, and of which I cannot tell you my little friends." He stated as his smile grew wider.

Sasuke twitched visibly before he let out a string of curses, which earned a laugh from the genie.

Meanwhile, Sakura just stood there motionlessly, her head bent down as she clenched and unclenched her fists.

"…Maiden…in…distress…?" She questioned, her voice shook in rage. "Maiden in FREAKING _DISTRESS_?! WHO'RE YA CALLIN' 'MAIDEN IN DISTRESS', HUH PUNK?! I'LL SHOW YOU MAIDEN IN DISTRESS! YOU WANT DISTRESS? _I'LL GIVE YOU DISTRESS_!"

"Uh…I don't think that's a good idea…ordinary people can't really see me, so you'll just look as if you're battling thin air and…oh god…"

And with that the green eyed girl threw herself onto the genie. She snarled and let out a string of curses and threats. Sasuke watched the two of them as they wrestled on the ground, stoically, before he shrugged and moved away to get a drink.

"Ow! Ow! Not the face, not the face!"

* * *

Lavender eyes narrowed in contempt as the dark haired girl crossed her arms and leaned back against the door. She watched the rosette as she writhed about the ground and threw punches randomly in the air, which gained the attention of many of the people who passed by.

"Hmm…stupid little girl. Who does she think she is, stealing my Naruto-kun's attention like that?" She sneered. "I don't see what's so great about her anyway…look at her; hitting the air like that as if she's a raving lunatic. Hmph...well, this land can only have one queen, and that will be me."

Having said that, Hyuuga Hinata walked away, and contemplated on ways to get rid of the pink haired lass.

…

In the meantime, a young blonde woman at the opposite side of the hall watched a certain raven haired male with great interest; her blue eyes practically devoured the boy as she watched him the way a predator would look at a prey.

Her azure eyes narrowed in envy as he walked over to a pink haired girl and held out a hand to help her up. She had been thrashing about on the ground for the past twenty minutes, and acted like a mentally retarded freak.

Hence, her eyes widened in surprise as he gave her a smirk and patted her on the back. She wondered why on earth a man like him would show any interest at all in a girl like…like _her_.

She shook her head lightly and reached up to fix her blonde locks before she made her way to the unlikely couple. As soon as she reached them, she held out her hand and gave the dark haired youth a dazzling smile, which earned a glare from the pinkette.

"Yamanaka Ino; and you are?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the sudden introduction and hesitantly answered her. He introduced Sakura as well.

Ino ignored Sakura completely (which enraged the young girl) and made her way towards Sasuke. She latched herself onto his arm and she giggled flirtatiously.

"So…Sasuke-kun, how come I've never seen you around here before?" She asked as she batted her eyelashes.

"…Erm…I guess it's because I'm a cat-"

Onyx eyes widened as Sakura slapped a hand over his mouth, which effectively cut him off.

"What he means is that he's a Cathayan…you know…from China." Sakura stated and laughed nervously. "He's a foreign exchange student, actually…"

"I see," muttered Ino, her blue eyes narrowed. "Which school do you go to, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke blinked and gazed at her perplexedly before he turned to Sakura and leaned down to whisper in her ear:  
_"What the heck is 'school'?"_

Jade orbs widened before she pulled him down by his collar and hissed in his ear.

"_Don't they teach you cats anything? Gah! A school is a place where you study and learn…just tell her you go to Konoha Academy, or something!"_

After he straightened up, Sasuke gave Ino a small smirk (she totally swooned at that) and answered her.

"Konoha Academy, eh; my friend goes there..." she said as she let out a tinkling laugh.

…

…

"Um…yeah…well, I'll see you around." muttered Sasuke, before he gripped Sakura by her arm and dragged her away, which left a dazed Ino standing alone by herself.

…

"That was kind of rude...I don't think we should've just left her like that…" said Sakura. She glanced at him as he shrugged carelessly.

* * *

"Ha! This is perfect…" muttered Hinata, as she held up an apple. "One bite of this, and that bitch goes bye-bye; and then Naruto-kun will be mine!"

Manic laughter rang out through the empty room as lightning flashed in the background before Hinata started to cough and hack.

"…_O__hhh_…I really need to practice on that…." She murmured and shook her head as she reached for a glass of water.

* * *

Sasuke and Sakura sat together at one of the round tables in the big hall; neither of them had spoken for quite a long time, and that started to make Sakura nervous as she began fidgeting.

…

…

…

"GAH! WILL YOU SAY SOMETHING, MAN?! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!"

Sasuke's eyes widened in shock as he found himself being viciously shaken by the petite girl, and tried to stop her for fear that his skull might pop open and his brain might fly out.

_His precious, precious brain…oh, his brain...his lovely, most fantast-_

"SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!!"

Sasuke snapped out of his daze and threw her a sharp glare before he pushed her away lightly.

"Calm down, woman…you're creating a scene…"

_Twitch._

_Twitch._

"I am _not_ creating a scene," she snarled. "_You_ try sitting next to man who seems dead for the entire night, and _then_tell me I'm creating a scene! Do you know how annoying it is to just sit here like that and watch you do absolutely nothing at all?! It drives me crazy! It is so bloody frustrat-"

"Do want to dance?" He sighed.

"And _God_, don't even get me started on how – wait, what?" She tilted her head in confusion and shot him a look of pure perplexity.

"I asked you if you wanted to dance…" he muttered, and faced away from her as his face took on a reddish tinge.

…

…

"_Are you asking me to dance with you?"_

Sasuke rolled his eyes and let out a snort.

"No…I was asking you if you wanted to help me with my garden gnome collection…." He retorted; sarcasm dripped from every word.

…

"…You collect garden gnomes?"

"No!" He yelled, before he sighed in irritation. "Look, do you want to dance with me or not?"

"Um…yeah sure, but what's that about the garden gnomes?"

"Ugh…forget the garden gnomes! There _are _no garden gnomes!"

"Then why did you ask me to help you with-"

"_JUST DANCE!"_

Sakura shrunk back in fear as he bellowed in anger, and let out a soft whimper before she allowed him to lead her over to the dance floor.

They danced quietly for a while as Ino watched them from afar.

"Stupid bitch…stealing Sasuke-kun from me…I'll show her what- OW!"

Ino yelled out in pain as the door beside her slammed open and crushed her between itself and the wall and young woman barged into the room.

"Has anyone seen my fiancé? His name is John Smith! I think I've lost him!"

Everyone turned to look at the newcomer in shock. A young lady who passed by pointed at the young woman's bare feet, and muttered a 'preposterous!', before she moved on.

Whispers of, "Who the heck is she?" and "What is she _wearing?_" echoed though out the hall.

"My name is Pocahontas, and I'm searching for my beloved John who seems to be miss- oh! Is that an apple?"

Pocahontas made her way towards Hinata who had been standing not too far off, and snatched the apple from her.

"N-no, wait! That's not meant for you! It's-"

_Thud._

Everyone watched in shock as she took a bite out of the apple and promptly fell to the ground; meanwhile Hinata stood frozen in her spot, afraid that everyone would be onto her now and would know of her plan to kill Sakura.

…

…

…

…

The musicians shrugged and went back to playing the song as everyone went back to dancing. They completely ignored the two women. Hinata let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

Later on that night, Sakura and Sasuke walked over to one of the balconies and stood there peacefully.

Sakura leaned against his arm, smiled softly, and then reached down to lace his hand with hers.

"Thanks for tonight, Sasuke…"

"…Hn." He grunted, which earned a playful hit from Sakura as he gave her a small smile.

…

…

"How about dinner?"

Viridian eyes widened before she whirled around to face him.

"Are you serious?"

He nodded, and received a laugh and hug from the girl.

…

…

…

…

…

"_No, Sasuke…I am _not_ eating a rat…I'm sorry."_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

-x-

**ePiLoGuE**

An old, dark haired woman sat alone in a dusty old room. She knitted as she grumbled and mumbled curses.

A newspaper lay on the ground beside her with the headline, '_KING DIES WITH NO WIFE OR CHILDREN TO SUCCEED HIM'_.

_**THE **_**(FRIGGIN')**_**END!**_

* * *

_Okay....yeah....that's it. lol...that seemed so...weird. XD just kidding, just kidding...but I will stand up for myself and say I was FORCED to write this against my will! lol...no, I'm actually serious...O.o  
The only parts I actually (willingly) co-operated with were the genie's and Sasuke's parts..._

_Oh, and incase it wasn't clear, I'll tell you which stories were involved. (though I'm not so sure about them myself...X.x) Now...let me remember...what did Allyson say it was again? ...Oh yeah...something like Sleeping Beauty or whatever, Pocahontas (was it?), erm...Snow Pale /Snow Cream/ Rain something/ Snow..White....I don't know...and...Aladdin, I think, and...what was it again? Something to do with ashes...hm...fire? nah...ashes...ashes...oh yeah. Cinderella, or something of the sort...(shrugs)_

_Review! XD_

_..._

_..._

_No...I'm serious...leave a review. -.- I mean come ON, people...I know you're reading this! I can see how many hits I've gotten for this story, you know... -.- So if I get like, 400 hits or something and one or two reviews, I'm going on a strike! XD _

_..._

_Nah...just kidding. Wow...this author's "note" seems to be pretty long...yeah....I'm just gonna shut up now. _

_R.E.V.I.E.W_


End file.
